Married

A few days ago the adverts on my facebook page were all about "wedding photographers" and "honey-moon holidays". Now they've all switched to statements like "Become qualified in Occupational Health and Safety" and "Free premium haircut".

I'm married. Having married a princess I'm now in line to become the Chinese emperor!

We had a lovely, small wedding. It only took 15 minutes (although, admittedly, I arrived about 3 hours early). We had nine guests.

The organisation involved buying lots of small red bags and filling them with Chinese sweets. Then we arranged all the packets into a big heart shape. Then we bought a bed from IKEA. Three weeks later and with the help of three people the bed was finally built. I think that it would, if necessary, support a couple of elephants without much problem. Then we turned up at the registry office. Met a very scary-looking guy with long hair who was the registrar, agreed that we were above the age of 18 (for some reason Dick, who was our witness, did not need to prove that he was older - he was annoyed about that) and that we were not in a prohibited relationship, worked out how to pronounce "solemnly" (we all acted as somberly as possible), signed the certificate and ... that was all! We then all had a photo, Sha changed back into her shorts and then we went down the pub. Then we had a huge and spectacular szechuan dinner!!